Burgin’ @Home– A Glimpse into the life of a Burger Queen
****WARNING****
The following excerpts are real life situations, involving real life hamburgers.
Each hamburger that stands before a court of Dean is guilty until consumed completely, in my belly. The subject of these diary entries has agreed to let the public access these excerpts via Internet.
Feb. 1st, 2012
Oh why, hello there. You snuck up on me. I was just putting some groceries away.
Oh, what’s that? You want to know what’s in this little box, right here?
Well, as you know today is Wednesday aka the middle of the week and since I generally have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off, technically Thursday is my Monday. Yep, I’m a sucker who’s just about to dive into a work week.
That means Wednesday is my Sunday and you know what Sunday’s all about.
If you were raging drunk the night before and need a salty breakfast with your roomies (or perhaps inmate) to rouse your electrolytes, you do it on Sunday morning.
If you sat around with no pants on (like I did last week) and watched old episodes of The Raccoons from some sweet, retro streaming site, I’ll bet it was a Sunday.
Sundays are also for getting things done and if I’m feeling slightly tolerable of the outside world, I like to go get groceries so I can plan my meals for the upcoming week. So what’s in this little box here? Well let’s just take a gander, shall we?
*Close up of Nicole’s face from the inside of the box, closing in with creepy open mouth smile*
It’s a box of mini Angus burgers from Sobeys on Bloor. Probably not the smooth disco punch line you were expecting, but these little guys are worth a taste if you constantly get ferocious cravings that cannot be quelled.
Cravings for….bloo—I mean, buuuurgs, mmmmmm…
They sell them in a package of 18, the price escapes me at the moment, but you may also pick up their mini-bun counterparts in the bread section and it shouldn’t cost you more than $20 bucks for both. Today, I will be making the little scampers at home by starting to caramelize some onions first then adding the patties to the pan later. (WHOOO PARTY PATTIES IN THE PAN)
They take about 5 mins. per side so when my hot PATS are almost done, I like to warm up the oven and toast my buns. I spread some garlic butter on each side and place it on a baking sheet.
The beauty of making burgs at home is that you can make them with whatever ingredients you have on hand. Today we’re using some low key aged cheddar with grape tomatoes cut in half, honey mustard, sweet pickles, mayo and of course, the onions.
I can eat 4 of those mini-burgs in one sitting, but I try to stick to 3 because it makes me look more polite. If it’s just a snack, I have two.They’re so convenient and quick that I will definitely buy these again for an easy bite.
If you’re a burger lover and you’re not pretentious, you’ll love these. If you’re a burger lover but you are pretentious, you’ll like them but you’ll criticize the way they taste (and look) then make a list of all of things you liked but didn’t love, blog about it while you read it out loud to me from your smart phone then ponder to me why I would settle for mediocrity.
TAKE YOUR OUTLANDISH BURGER EXPECTATIONS SOMEWHERE ELSE, MORRISSEY BECAUSE I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT REAL PEOPLE SHOP AT CRAPPY GROCERY STORES.
February 1st, 2012 (11:28pm)
Just made more mini-burgs. I’ve eaten four already today plus a full sized hamburger for supper. How did this happen, diary?
I know I should feel ashamed but I’m not.
Well, it’s ‘Love me, Love My Burg’ from here on out!
BURGER BROADS -The BrOadHouSe 
Burgasm! I love it!
You made me hungry.